ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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