Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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