Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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