She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am one with the molecules
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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