Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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