she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just sent this text using only my big toe
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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