Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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