I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
