You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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