we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you win again, gameday.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
