I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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