I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
