If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I know her cup size but not her name....
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
