I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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