I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
