Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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