The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
