Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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