Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
