So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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