Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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