Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
