dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
