hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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