Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
