What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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