It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
