My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
