I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
not ubering you a puppy
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
