im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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