How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
