It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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