I don't usually arrange sex via text message
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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