College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's rum buckets o'clock
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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