After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
the raccoons are back...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
