What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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