no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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