Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
