I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
