I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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