Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
