They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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