so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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