you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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