I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
