i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
