I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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