I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
