sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
