isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
