I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
