I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
