Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
