I think im going to throw up on grandma
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
