I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
