One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
