Don't make out with my wife yet
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
